How Narcissists Emotionally Regulate THEMSELVES With YOUR Nervous SystemAug 02, 2021
Have you ever heard me say that narcissists regulate THEIR nervous system with YOURS???
Looking back, I realized this was happening way before I understood the why. It had become so apparent with the passing of time... why is s/he so angry when I'm just sitting here feeling happy? The second... and I mean the second I sit down to relax and feel just grounded in the moment - there's this crisis, or I'm dodging emotional daggers. Yet the second I begin reacting to their abusive and aggressive behavior - it's as if my anger has provided a sedative for them. It's easy to spot this strange reaction to peace and happiness because if nothing else, malignant narcissists are consistent.
This happens because, just as victims of narcissistic abuse tend to be empaths and very aware of what others are feeling - narcissists are like dark empaths - very aware of what YOU are feeling. When they sense that you are at peace, or in technical terms, you are living in your parasympathetic state .... they provoke you to feel whatever negative emotions they are feeling so that now YOU are the one that's angry, upset, feeling out of control and confused and they are suddenly the ones that are at peace and living now in their personal parasympathetic state. An eerie psychological, energetic swap takes place.
Relatively 'normal' people do not NEED to see others upset, angry and reactive in order to feel at peace .... but who said malignant narcissists were normal?
When someone wants to be a better person - they do some soul searching, they have to be willing to look at themselves... deeply. And that doesn't always feel good. They have to be honest about being dysregulated, full of negative emotions including shame and anger, etc. They have to see their traits - the good, the bad and the ugly in order to know which ones they need to work on so as to grow as a person.
No One can heal, grow and become a better person without self reflection.
The problem is that malignant narcissists don't self reflect. When they feel those emotions that they have suppressed and thrust into their shadow (the pain, shame, unworthiness, anger, self hate, etc.) rather than seeing them, acknowledging them but also being willing to heal them.... they fling them at you.
They perform a psychological swap with you - especially at the moments when you are feeling happy and at peace. This happens because your happiness causes them to become consciously aware of these dark emotions that they pretend not to have - but the second they can get YOU to feel those emotions, it somehow fools them into thinking that the glimpse they had of themselves was really them seeing you... and not seeing themselves. Ok - have I confused anyone yet?
One important aspect of healing after narcissistic abuse is re-gaining control of your nervous system. (yes because if you have been around malignant narcissists you lost control of it due to their covert psychological abuse). This is not easy - but it is a huuuuge factor in being able to get back to you!!
That's what we began discussing in my live workshop this past Saturday. (Which by the way, it was soooo awesome to have people from all over the world from Germany, UK, Dubai, Canada, Cyprus and all over the U.S.) But while learning about how the nervous system has been infiltrated ( much like a computer virus) helps understand the suffering - it's only by reversing this that we can overcome the suffering and get our life back!! And that's what we will be continuing to do this month of August in the School of Transformation. We have 9 live meeting planned out for this month to deep dive on this topic. I know that it's impossible to attend all of the live meetings - but the Tuesday ones are recorded and if you feel you can benefit from this extra support on your healing journey - please join us!!! The cost for the month is $79/month!!! Check out the calendar and our next live meeting is this coming Friday at 5:00 p.m. Eastern - will you be joining us?