Anxiety After Covert Narcissistic AbuseJun 14, 2021
There is an account in the bible where someone sows fine seeds in a field while his enemy sows weeds among those fine seed in an effort to ruin the harvest.
Isn't narcissistic abuse just like that?
You are trying to be the best person you can be, yet the malignant narcissist sows things within you - anxiety, low self esteem, fear, lack of confidence, negative self image, in an effort to ruin your personality in your eyes and your reputation in the eyes of others.
Now don't get me wrong - I've always been a big believer that we are all responsible for our own feelings, and actions. However, there is a reality that we need to consider when it comes to covert narcissistic manipulation - there are people in this world that sadly love to provoke you to be someone you are not, they love to push you outside the boundaries of your personality.
If you are calm, patient and confident - a covert narcissist, whether a parent, significant other or a co-worker, will want you to be impatient, anxious, with low self esteem and feeling emotionally dysregulated.
Because that is what they are on the inside - and by transferring their inner reality into you, they emotionally regulate themselves. The more impatient, out of control you are - the calmer they become. It sounds like something out of the twilight zone and honestly, unless you've lived this reality - it is hard to wrap your mind around it.
Even the most calm, cool and collected person will show signs of anxiety with narcissistic abuse. And anxiety grows and morphs into so many areas of life....
It starts out low grade, a constant feeling of discomfort and unease and then it grows into panic attacks, being stuck in your fight/flight trauma response. It can spread into social anxiety, phobias and eventually becomes a constant feature in your life as you battle complex ptsd.
The challenge is that even if you leave the toxic person or environment - the anxiety doesn't go away like the common cold. Your brain has rewired as a result of the anxiety - and rewiring the brain is needed in order to overcome it.
I've met so many people who are out of all toxic relationships - yet are still suffering the effects of the anxiety that was left behind. This is what the narcissist hopes happens to you - that you continue to suffer the side effects of the abuse because... even from a distance, they can stay regulated by your dysregulation. The more a mess you stay, the more together their life becomes.
It may feel like it's an insurmountable mountain to climb in order to overcome anxiety, but you CAN do it! You do NOT have to live life forever suffering the side effects of cptsd or narcissistic abuse. There is nothing more rewarding than feeling as if you are now just..... living.... instead of dealing with the side effects of narcissism.
But, in order to get there, you do have to be willing to give yourself the time and patience, as well as the self love and compassion needed to overcome the side effects - like anxiety.
My next workshop is about rebalancing the nervous system after narcissistic abuse - it will include a free breathwork session designed to clear our your nervous system - make sure to check out the link if it's something that resonates with you.