When Dishes Feel Like Mountains: Understanding Trauma, Clutter, and the Path to True Healing

Have you ever stood in your kitchen, staring at just a few dirty dishes—and felt like you were standing at the base of a mountain you didn’t know how to climb?
Not because you’re lazy. Not because you don’t care. But because something inside you just… shuts down. You freeze. And then the shame rolls in.

If that’s you, I want to stop you right there and say this: You’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re healing.

As a somatic experiencing practitioner and the founder of the School of Transformation, I’ve walked this path—and I guide others through it every single week. So let’s talk about why something as “simple” as doing the dishes can feel like moving a mountain, and how working with your nervous system—not against it—can shift everything.

When the Little Things Feel Too Big

During the thick of my own recovery from complex PTSD, I remember looking at just five plates in the sink and feeling paralyzed. Not tired. Not unwilling. Paralyzed.

I’d hear that inner critic rise up:
“Why can’t you just do this? Other people can keep their homes clean. What’s wrong with you?”

The truth? My nervous system was overwhelmed. And instead of tending to that reality, I was attacking myself for not "trying hard enough." I didn’t know that my body wasn’t being lazy—it was protecting me.

Overwhelm Isn’t the Problem—It’s the Messenger

Here’s something that changed everything for me: Overwhelm isn’t the enemy. It’s the circuit breaker of your nervous system.

Imagine plugging too many devices into one outlet. What happens? The circuit flips. Not because it wants to ruin your day—but because it’s protecting your home from a fire.

Your nervous system works the same way. When it gets overloaded—by past trauma, by present stress—it hits the switch. It’s saying, “Too much. Let’s pause before we break.”

And yet… we internalize it.
We think, “Why can’t I handle this? Everyone else can.”
And that creates a loop: overwhelm → shame → freeze → self-criticism → more overwhelm.

Your Nervous System Is Overflowing—Not Failing

Think of your nervous system as a cup. Every moment you didn’t feel safe, seen, or supported as a child added a drop. Some of us didn’t get a few drops—we got a flood.

And now, as adults, our cup is still full. So when it comes time to sort the mail, clean a room, or return a phone call—what feels like a drip to someone else feels like a flood to us. That’s not weakness. That’s unresolved trauma.

And when we push through it with willpower, we end up crashing. We clean the whole house in a day… and then we’re in bed for a week. That’s not success. That’s yo-yo healing—like yo-yo dieting, it’s unsustainable.

The Inner Critic Is a Misguided Protector

That voice inside that says, “You’re lazy. You’re a mess.”
It’s brutal, yes—but it’s also a protector. It learned long ago that harshness could push you to survive. And maybe it worked when you were younger. But now? That voice is pushing you deeper into freeze. It’s time to stop fighting with it—and start listening with compassion.

Real Healing Starts With Capacity, Not Force

If your cup is full, you don’t fix the problem by pouring in more. You fix it by emptying some of the old water. You create space.

That’s what true healing is about. Not fixing you. Not pushing you. But creating more room inside your nervous system to breathe. That’s what somatic experiencing does. And that’s what we do together, week by week, inside the School of Transformation.

The Truth About Clutter and Chaos

Science backs this up: Our outer world often reflects our inner state.

So if your home is in chaos, if clutter is taking over, that doesn’t mean you’re flawed—it means your nervous system is stuck in survival. And when survival mode is running the show, the parts of the brain responsible for planning, organizing, and following through get shut down.

It’s not that you don’t want to get things done. It’s that your body doesn’t feel safe enough to let you.

The Path Forward: Working With Your Body

Instead of plowing through your freeze, we learn to recognize it. To understand it. To honor it.

To keep one foot in the past (where the trauma lives), and one foot in the present (where you are safe now). That’s how we teach the body it’s okay to feel overwhelmed—and still be okay.

From that place, we begin to experience inner space. And then?
We look around and notice we’re doing the dishes without panic.
We’re cleaning without collapsing.
We’re living—not surviving.

Why the School of Transformation Is the Next Step

If you’ve been stuck in the clutter, the chaos, the constant back-and-forth of pushing and crashing—you don’t need more motivation.
You need more capacity.

That’s exactly what we build in the School of Transformation. Every week on Zoom, I meet with survivors from all over the world. Together, we don’t chase results. We don’t force progress.
We build nervous system capacity—gently, safely, powerfully.

I call it a nervous system gym membership—because it’s not just about learning what healing is. It’s about actually doing the healing, with guidance and support.

You Are Not a Failure—You Are Healing

So the next time you feel overwhelmed by something small, I want you to pause and say to yourself:
“This isn’t weakness. This is my body asking for help.”

You're not too much.
You're not lazy.
You're not broken.

You're healing.
And healing takes time, safety, and support.

If you're ready to step out of yo-yo healing and into lasting transformation, I invite you to join me in the School of Transformation. Together, we’ll build the inner space you need—so life no longer feels like it’s drowning you.

Because you were never meant to live in survival. You were meant to thrive.