Why You Can't Just STOP: Understanding Addiction Through the Lens of Trauma

Why You Can’t Just Stop

If you’ve ever found yourself asking,

“Why do I keep doing this? Why can’t I just stop?”

I want you to take a deep breath… and know this:

You are not broken.

You are not weak.

And addiction is not your identity.

Addiction, in many cases, is a brilliant survival response—crafted by a nervous system that's doing everything it can to protect you from the pain that it doesn’t yet know how to process.

Addiction Isn’t Always What You Think It Is

When we hear the word “addiction,” we often think of substances—alcohol, drugs, maybe food.

But trauma doesn’t just drive us to substances.

It also drives us to patterns that are less than ideal but that also regulate the emotional overwhelm we haven't learned how to be with.

Here are 5 common addictions many people don’t even recognize as such:

• People-Pleasing (Fawning): A compulsive need to earn love or avoid rejection.
• Overthinking: An addiction to control, born from environments where unpredictability felt dangerous.
• Overworking: Numbing stillness because rest makes the nervous system feel unsafe.
• Scrolling & Distraction: A way to escape the body when it holds too much pain.
• Perfectionism: Trying to outrun shame through performance or achievement.

 These behaviors become patterns that keep us stuck, they become patterns that we try to fight against because we simply want to get rid of them. We think it's these patterns that keep us from healing but.... the truth is these patterns are not the enemy..... they are a message telling us that the body desperately needs safety.

Underneath all of these lies the same drive, the same motive and positive intent:

Regulate the body. Protect the heart. Survive another day.

Why Addiction Feels Like Relief (Even When It Hurts)

If you grew up in an environment where your emotions weren’t safe to feel…

Your body had to find a way to cope.

From a somatic perspective, addiction becomes a tool for nervous system regulation.

For example:

• Alcohol slows a body stuck in fight-or-flight.
• Food soothes a nervous system wired for emotional neglect.
• Busyness distracts from the emptiness that stillness reveals.
• Scrolling silences inner grief with external noise.

Each one acts like a patch on the pain—but never heals the root cause of the pain. They become like the pot pulled out due to a leaky roof - they manage the problem in the moment without ever solving it!

The Problem Isn’t the Behavior—It’s the Unmet Need

In the School of Transformation, we don’t shame addictive patterns.

We get curious about the pain beneath them.

Because beneath every addiction is a question the body is still trying to answer:

• Am I safe?
• Am I lovable?
• Will this feeling destroy me if I let myself feel it?

And here’s the truth:

No amount of willpower can heal a nervous system that still believes it’s in danger.

That’s why simply “stopping” the behavior isn’t enough.

Because when you take away the thing that regulated your emotions—but don’t give your body anything new—your system panics.

And that’s why relapse, shame, and self-judgment often follow.

What Heals Addiction at the Root?

Safety.

Not external safety… but internal safety.

When your body learns, moment by moment, “I can handle this feeling…”

…you don’t need to numb it.

When your nervous system believes, “I’m not in danger anymore…”

…you don’t need to escape.

That’s the power of somatic healing.

Through gentle practices, we teach the body how to pendulate between comfort and discomfort, increase its window of tolerance, and build resilience instead of reactivity.

And eventually—what once felt unbearable… becomes manageable.

What once had power over you… begins to release its grip.

You’re Invited: Free Live Webinar on May 23

If this resonates with you, I want to personally invite you to my free live webinar on May 23rd:

“How to Find Safety In the Body: Healing Addictions w/ Somatic Practices”

In this live event, I’ll show you:

• Why addictive behaviors are linked to unprocessed trauma
• How to recognize what your addiction is really trying to protect you from
• How to begin regulating your nervous system so you no longer need the external behavior
• Somatic tools you can begin using right away to build inner safety

Click here to reserve your seat.

The School of Transformation: Your Nervous System Gym

If you’re ready to go deeper, the School of Transformation is here to support you.

We call it a nervous system gym—a place to build the strength, flexibility, and safety your body needs to heal… not just cope.

You’ll learn how to gently retrain your body to no longer live in survival mode…

So your healing isn’t just behavioral—it’s cellular.

Because you don’t need more self-control.

You need self-connection.

And you don’t need to be perfect to begin.

You just need to be willing.

With compassion,

Michele Lee Nieves

Founder, The School of Transformation